The Effect of Intimacy: Tracey Emin’s Bad Sex Aesthetics
-discussion of Doyle’s essay-
The idea of bad sex is one that is notably absent from our usual discussions of sex in present-day America. We talk about sex all the time, think about it, even have it, but somehow we are still very sex-negative, especially where women are concerned. On the one hand, we have the double-bind: women who have sex too much (or enjoy sex at all) are sluts, women who don’t have sex are prudes. On the other side of the coin, we have the hyper-feminist idea of sex: pure, perfect, consensual, enjoyable sex (often between lesbians), or non-consensual, sadomasochistic, humiliating, damaging sex (often heterosexual). The discussion of porn is colored by these various extremes, as is the discussion of sex in general. But Tracey Emin’s work explores the use of various kinds of sex and how they can be positive and negative, but along the spectrum of experience rather than as an objective extreme. Sex is different for everyone, and deciding that one kidn of sex is objectively best sounds a lot like sex policing to me. So when someone says that sadomasochism, or bondage, or humiliation, or simply being objectified in the bedroom, is always damaging and a form of rape in some cases, I have to disagree.
The essay also talks about how objectification manifests in sex, which I thought was really interesting, since I’d never thought of the act of connecting bodies sexually as being self-destroying. I’m not sure I agree with it, since I think the individual is unaffected by the experience in the end (that is, they are affected, since every experience colors the way someone sees and reacts to the world, but they are no less themselves in most cases), but the idea of two sexual participants bonding to create a temporary, single unit is intriguing. I will agree, however, that certain experiences of sex can cause a severe change in self. For instance, rape (which, to be fair, is more of an act of violence than an act of sexual desire) can change a victim’s personality intensely, and sometimes personally. In most cases of consensual sex, however, I think the biggest effect a sexual experience can have on a person is their future knowledge of what they do and do not want/like from other sexual experiences.
Jennifer Doyle Tracey Emin